January 17, 2019

Beyond Science: Defining Good relationships

You often end up thinking that the couples that maintain a good relationship don’t quarrel, fight, go to bed angry, don’t misunderstand, are always cuddling and super romantic. This is the thought that has put a lot of relationships at stake because that’s how they show in the movies, serials, and songs. This expectation of being super romantic and super close always hurts when it doesn’t go that way. And hence, many couples feel defeated and think that their spouse has changed and this leads to perpetual arguments and defeats.

Just because there is a disagreement between the couple every once in a while; or many times a little more than that, doesn’t necessarily mean that you cannot maintain a good relationship. It is true that even the most perfect relationship goes through rough phases and misunderstandings, arguments, discomforts, and disputes.

Your relationship is one of the most important integrants of your life.

Many people put their complete effort before marriage or before staying together on flirting and dating, and when they start living together, the old practices are completely forgotten and they completely pay no heed to their relationship. Cultivating and maintaining a good relationship with your spouse or partner is the most crucial thing you can do for both of you, after all, you love each other.

Your relationship has a direct effect on your mood, stress levels, health, and happiness. You got to understand that no relationship is perfect and in good shape all the time. Nevertheless, connecting with your partner emotionally, mentally, physically, and romantically is a great thing that it merits all your effort. I have listed a few tips for fabricating a healthy relationship:

(i) Communicate with utter patience

Communication is one of the indispensable qualities in a great relationship. Alas, specialists indicate that a lot of couples don’t know the way to communicate rightly; or even communicate at all.

Healthy couples vocalize their love for each other. They put their heads together frequently to converse about how they feel, and importantly, they don’t leave it to their partners to figure out what is going on. When partners frame assumptions, expectations are set and gradually, they are collapsed. The unmet expectations finally leave the partners quizzing the viability of their relationship.

Partners in a great relationship talk about even the challenging subjects and they agree to disagree. They understand that not seeing eye to eye sometimes is completely okay. Ergo, they respect each other’s ideas, opinions, and thoughts.

They talk about sex honestly and openly. When partners discuss with each other about what they find amusing and what they don’t like, they certainly will have better sex and, inevitably, a stronger relationship.

(ii) Compromise and let go

Every relationship will be punctuated by clash and disputes. It is not the dispute that affects your relationship, but the manner you handle issues. The key element in solving the dispute in your relationship is to Compromise. You cannot always be the one who is right perpetually and it shouldn’t be you who always has the answers to all the questions or arguments.

With an open mind, you will invite surprises at how a bit of compromise can do a lot of good things.

(iii) Appreciate, most often

A lot of times, couples fall into the pattern of taking all the things for granted that their partner do for them. This would have been a different case before staying together. It is important to pay heed to all the small things that your partner does for you and appreciate them.

Appreciation is an exceptional motivator to your spouse, and it engenders positive and happy feelings in the relationship. Withal, when you consciously practice recognition, thankfulness, and gratitude, you will start concentrating more on the good rather than fixating on the negatives, and consequently,  you will become much happier about your relationship.

(iv) Continually respect each other

Your relationship with your spouse will prosper and burgeon if you both feel respected by each other.

Respecting and treating your partner appears in many forms: being mindful and listening to their feelings, trust, beliefs, and time.

On the contrary, many things like name calling, threatening to break up and leave the relationship and bitching about your spouse to your friends and family will bring down the respect in your relationship.

(v) Empower personal space

Your relationship with your partner will indeed be healthy if you permit room for each other to cultivate individuality. Allow each other their time for family, friends, hobbies, interests and other individual affairs. This will aid you and your spouse to not only preserve their individual identities but also it will foster a healthy sense of self.

Spending time together always will not only make you and your spouse feel as if you are smothering in the relationship but will also give the route to an unhealthy co-dependence.

(vi) Remain each other’s boulder

Everybody goes through tough and rough times, and when your spouse is running into a personal challenge, your support and shoulder can make a humongous difference.

Also, no matter how monarch or sovereign you are, allow yourself to lean on your partner for support. Going through tough times in conjunction will get you very close and boulder your relationship.

(vii) You are in charge of your happiness

Many a time, partners bargain for too much from each other. People who were never happy single yearn to be cheerful owing to the fact that they are in a relationship; those who were never self assured or assertive hope to feel confident; and those who never felt they had value to carry around prospect to feel valued just because they are in a relationship now.

Sadly, resorting to your partner to supply you with happiness, self-assurance, and value will lead to gross failures and distress. It is wholly in order to hope your partner to treat you well, however, your happiness and self -assurance should come from within.

(viii) Learn and understand more about each other

Who is your partner as a person, really? What excites your partner? What are their aspirations, dreams, and goals that they are longing to achieve? You can gorge yourself into thinking what your partner needs as opposed to understanding what truly resonates with them.

Remember, what your partner wants does not have to prove sensible to you: you just have to empathize and support it, of course, constructive feedback is accepted.

(ix) Understand to endorse your partner’s feelings

Endorsing and validating your partner augments the emotional security in your relationship, and that is the most important component of a healthy relationship. Be all ears to your partner without the urge to analyze, judge, criticize, solve or fix things.

Even when you do not completely comprehend your partner’s point of view, you can always say: ‘I hear you!’ to give your partner an assurance that you are there for him/her.

Validate your partner’s feelings unconditionally, and you will help them believe that you are a trusted and a genuine ally and that they are not unescorted. No feelings are void.

(x) Check in with each other

At the end of a tiring day or perhaps, every day, the habitual question between most of the couples is: ‘How was your day?’ Most of the times, the question will haul in a superficial answer such as ‘Fine, good. And how was yours?’ This will in no way ameliorate the connection between you and your spouse.

As an alternative, when questions like ‘What was the challenging part of your day?’ are thrown on your partner, you will be surprised at how much insight you will be awarded into your loved one.

Entreat to become a pundit on your partner, and you will find it easiest to keep them happy and contented.

(xi) Fight reasonably

Disagreeing is completely healthy. Just because you and your partner are fighting does not necessarily mean that you both do not love and care for each other or that you are headed for a breakup. You solely have a difference of opinion.

Keep cueing yourselves that you both are on the same team. Get past your disagreements and disputes successfully by promising yourselves that primarily and essentially, you both want the same outcome: tranquility and fulfillment in your relationship.

When you see things in the correct perspective, you will not intentionally attack and hurt each other during quarrels. Rather, you will endeavor to get to the bottom to each other and work towards a solution.

(xii) Sleep on it

If you think that your argument has battered a dead end in the night, shelf it to some other time – the next morning or perhaps, later in the day. Nonetheless, the experts suggest not to wait longer than a full day to restart the issue.

(xiii) Keep things fascinating

You will constantly change over and over in the journey of your relationship and so will your spouse. Keep things in your relationship always interesting by trying out new activities and snapping of your mundane.

Entreat to remain attractive for and with each other not only physically, but also intellectually. Encourage new ideas and thoughts into your relationship and propose topics that are genuinely interesting to your spouse.

Finally, aim to keep your partner happy always if you want to end up yourselves in a good realtionship.

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